Backwards Lessons

Sometimes I am amazed at how backwards I am. Most people develop TS at a young age and some grow out of it. I started ticcing when I was older and have found myself growing into it. While my tics have become more frequent, they do have their quiet moments. In those quiet times… I miss them.

This is also backwards. Most people try anything they can get their hands on to stop them. Medication, diet, activities, exercises… I specifically stay away from things that would stop my tics-in particular my noises- yet I still have more quiet time than most. I wonder if that is part of the secret? To miss them in those moments of silence, to appreciate them when they are around.

I think one of my favorite things about having TS is the help I get in seeing the bigger picture in so many ways. For example, I can appreciate silence and stillness in a way this fast-paced world we live in doesn’t give us much chance to see. Or being able to see when something is missing from my life. When I am less active and involved, I tend to tic less and I can feel complacency creeping up on me.

It teaches me over and over that as much as I love my TS, I am not in control of what I do or say. This is super frustrating at times, but it has helped in life. How often can we really control every detail of our lives? Even in the short periods where I feel like I am in control of my life, what I want is not always what is best. TS helps me roll with the punches. I gain flexibility and adaptability.

Maybe I love my TS so much because of all the great people I get to meet and bond with. Concerned strangers reaching out in compassion to ask if I am ok. The fact that Paula is in a sense her own advocate in teaching people about TS simply fascinates me. She speaks up and gets people to ask questions. Meeting and sharing with these people is almost always a great story.

OH the stories! Definitely my favorite part. They can be funny, heart-wrenching, and just about any emotion except for serious. Paula does not do serious very well. Her silence can be very respectful, though. Such diversity from something that I can’t even control. Every experience becomes a story. Every story becomes an emotional memory, and they can be both good or bad.

It allows me to feel so much more in moments that would otherwise be just “eh.” I find joy in each story (sometimes even the not so awesome stories-like being kicked out of a college major) because of how they shape my life. I gain so many more experiences by having TS. I try to record each story. Each one a reminder of an emotion or lesson. My life is more full with actual experiences rather than just passively letting life pass me by.

I couldn’t even begin to imagine who I would be without my Tourette Syndrome. I am amazed at how much it brings to and enriches my life. I would not have as many people. I would not have as much purpose. I would not have as much passion. Those three alone are kind of important in the life of a human being.

I say it all the time, but I love my Tourette Syndrome. I love how much more it brings into my life. Sure, sometimes it’s hard. It hurts. However, if I gave up any of that pain, I would also be giving up one of the best things I have experienced, leaving me a fairly empty shell. I was that way once before. I was like that in high school. Up until my TS forced me out of that shell.

My life is a little different. I can be a little backwards. I always learn the best lessons from it, though. It makes me a better human being.