How to Be Loved and to Love Without Fear

Paula Jean Ferri
5 min readJan 29, 2019


Photo by Timo Stern on Unsplash

Fear and Love.

How closely related these two things are, though we rarely see or understand it. Love is confidence, surety. We may not see that in our relationships. Dating is awkward and terrible and there is always so much fear involved. Yet we are searching for the opposite. We search for love and have no idea how to find it.

It is love that removes the fear. It’s not about how good looking they are, about being funny enough, pretty enough, intelligent enough.

We ARE enough. As we are. Relationships require self-love. It requires seeing our own strengths and leaning into our weaknesses.

Relationships require seeing the exact same in another person. And it’s when we stop searching, root ourselves in what love really is that the fear can dissipate and we are able to find the relationships we seek everywhere around us.

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Those relationships are everywhere if we stop looking beyond the mark. We don’t need a dating app or online service to fall in love. We don’t need to travel the world over to find that one special someone who will make us feel special.

The yearning for love that seems so distant is what keeps it so far away. The problem with dating isn’t in meeting more people. The problem is not fully understanding what love is and how it works.

When we fully love, all fear is gone. All of it. And in a society where anxiety runs rampant and we panic at every new exchange, this is a huge deal.

This is powerful.

Love is the most powerful thing on earth. When we love, growth is possible, because we no longer fear the results.

Confidence, success, relationships. It all follows after love. Love attracts all good things to flow to it.

So when we are rooted in that love and can feel it without any attachment to results, expectations, and fears, we tap into that power.

We attract all the things we have been chasing after with no success.

Let me share an example. When I was a little girl, I would often go to my grandmother’s house and loved her cats. But no matter how much I chased them, they ran away. They had no idea how much I loved them and just wanted to pet them.

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My sweet grandma taught me to sit still and they would come to me. That’s not exactly easy for a little girl to do. I had to be only 4 or 5 at the time. But there I sat, still as a mouse. The cats came to me.

After a while, I didn’t have to sit so much. The cats knew me, trusted me, and loved me in return.

Love gave a small child motivation to do something hard. I still love cats and they have brought me so much joy since. I have even been known to have wild stray cats follow me home, because who doesn’t want that kind of love on a constant basis?

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Even the animals seek after that kind of love.

Humans are no different. They are attracted to love. So when we are able to center our lives around this concept and idea, people are drawn to it.

Sometimes others might try to control it and take it by force. These do not understand love.

Sometimes others might fear it and the power it can contain. These do not understand love.

Sometimes others will encourage it to grow. These understand love. These are the ones that you want surrounding you in your life.

I sometimes find it so ironic that love can be the most discussed, sung about and sought after topic, yet so few really and truly understand it. So few feel it.

It is a calm feeling. It is a connection that allows you to bend and sway and dance in whatever storms may be blowing in your life.

Fears and worries in the wind blow by.

That is not to say that life is hurt free. The deeper the love, the greater the sorrow when it is suddenly removed from our lives.

Death happens, people move away. There are fires and floods and earthquakes. We have every reason in the world to fear so much, though nothing quite so much as a loss of love.

The only solace we can really have from tragedy, from fear and anxiety, or from problems that arise is love.

Love of those people still around us.

Love of our hobbies.

Love of our lives in general.

This is the only cure for anything and everything.

Want to lose weight? Love your body. What does that mean? It means taking care of it by giving it sufficient rest, healthy food and activity. Forget about the scale. Love it for what it is and what it can be. Love it for what it already does for you.

Maybe you want a promotion or a raise? Love your work. Find ways to make it better. Give your job the best version of yourself.

The same goes for anything we could ever want in life. Find out what it means to love in this area. What does true, unselfish love look like here?

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It always comes back to you, bringing your best self and the love you have to share.

The best part about love? It is never-ending. There is always enough love to go around. There is always more. You never have to fear running out of love. There is always enough because YOU are always enough.

What Now?

Take the next step in loving yourself and others. Get my free guide by clicking HERE. I’ll walk you through the steps to change your view to one of love.

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