How to Obtain True Power (It’s Not What You Think)
Power is something we all need, whether we like to admit it or not. No one likes feeling powerless. We may often be hurt by those with more of it and see the connection between power and evil. However, just because some may use power to belittle, demean and control others by manipulation, there are yet others who utilize this power for the good of others.
There are many people in my life who I consider superheroes because they fully utilize the power they have to help others. I think of my parents and family, of friends, of church leaders, bosses, roommates, and coworkers. Every one of these people has power and influence in my life that can be used to hurt me or to help me.
Why do they have power? Because I give it to them.
I allow these people into my life, and as such, they have the potential to make my life miserable or absolutely marvelous. I give them that power because they are a part of my life.
The reverse is also true. When people allow us into their lives, we are also granted power that we then also use to be a blessing or a curse. How do you choose to use that power and influence that you have in another person’s life?
Whatever your response to the above question will affect how you read the rest of this article. So go back and ask yourself again, for real.
The Secret Source of Power
You are the one who makes the choice of who comes into your life for an extended period of time. True, you can’t control who else may be at a bus stop or waiting in line at your local coffee shop. Sure, you may have ties to people that you didn’t initiate, but you control how often they are in your life.
Take for example a family member. You didn’t choose that connection. It’s there whether you like it or not. However, that doesn’t mean that you have to let them be involved in your everyday life if you don’t want them to be. You didn’t choose your coworkers, but you don’t have to see them outside of work.
Your ability to choose is the source of your power.
When you allow someone more time, you give them power to affect your daily life. Good news, you aren’t giving it all away though. You always have the ability to cut that person from your life. You always have that choice.
One of the worst ways power is exerted over another is to make them think they are helpless and powerless in a situation.
YOU ALWAYS HAVE THE POWER TO CHOOSE.
We may be led to believe we are unable to change the circumstances around us, but what is really going on is that making choices that involve change can be hard. And terrifying. Don’t forget terrifying.
We are willing to settle for an unhappy but known — and therefore comfortable — situation rather than face the unknown. It could be a better situation, but we worry that it could also be worse. We assume the worst. So we stay. We continue to work for an overwhelming boss, stay in an abusive relationship or live in unhealthy conditions.
Sure, it’s a mess, but it’s our mess, and no one can take that away from us! But there it is again, we are the ones choosing to stay.
While choice may be the source of our power, I did not say that it is power itself. That is simply the effects of power making an appearance. If we really want more of that in our lives, we must first know what it really is.
So What is Power?
If the ability to choose is not real power, what is?
The real power is how we make the decisions we face. We choose things based on our moral compass and the values we hold. The values we hold are the things that we love most.
We choose the things we love.
Some may love honesty and this is the highest value and will make decisions based on this value. Others may love control and make choices that will give them more and make others feel like they have none. Decisions can be made based on any principle, good or bad. Those are then manifest in the things they choose.
So everything around us is based on the things we value most. The world around us is a world of our own creation.
Love is the real power.
It doesn’t matter what the decision is, it is based on your love of a particular value. If you feel pressured into a decision because you are afraid, you are choosing comfort and security. These are feelings you love and value. If you make a decision out of guilt it may be because you value kindness or loyalty.
These values are important and I’m not saying it is right or wrong either way. You are the only one who can determine what you love and value and how you make decisions. The point is that love is the motivation for decisions and when we lean into that particular emotion and work with it rather than against it, our lives can make dramatic shifts.
When we make decisions in love and then use love in our choices, power grows. When you treat people with love, they choose to have you in their life, giving you power and influence. When you treat people with love, they reciprocate and treat you with love. As Alba in Jane the Virgin states, “Love begets love.”
It may not always be perfect. We are human. There will be disagreements. There will be miscommunication. It’s not all rose-colored glasses.
There will, however, be a huge leap in the right direction. Not just in your relationships, but in anything you do. When you love your work, you want to be better at it, do better. You are more engaged, you feel more fulfilled and that becomes visible to those who make decisions about hiring and promotion. When you love your neighborhood, you are willing to clean it up more, maybe plant a few more flowers, making it all the more beautiful.
Love allows you to give with no fear. When you give freely, it always comes back. Not only does it come back, but it multiplies and grows.
Sigmund Freud observed, “How bold one gets when one is sure of being loved.” Love is more powerful than fear. Love is what brings growth, joy, fearlessness, confidence and so much more.
Use That Power
If you aren’t sure where to start, begin with you. I have watched and studied the people around me and every one of them who loves others loves themselves first. They are confident in their flaws and imperfections, yet love themselves all the more for it.
This was a long process for me, but I was able to take the core concepts that changed my life and put them into a guide to give you. This guide took me years of work to perfect and has greatly impacted those who have used it. I’d like to give it to you for free so that you can begin to use this power and see huge changes in your life.
Click HERE and I’ll send you this guide for free right to your inbox.
