Is Something Missing? It’s Probably You. 3 Reasons to Take Time For Yourself.

“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.”
― Mark Twain

Someone once asked me “If you were to name the things that you love, how long would it take you to name yourself?”

Then there was the child at the gymnastics academy I work at. In honor of Thanksgiving, we cut out feathers and wrote on them what the child was thankful for in order to take them home and show their families. We had to explain what it means to be thankful to a few of the really young ones. “What makes you happy?” I love the little girl that responded, “I’m thankful for me. I make me happy.”

This girl is going places. Sure it made us giggle, but thinking on it, she is completely right.

Are we grateful for ourselves? Do we love ourselves? Do we even like ourselves half the time?

Oh, sure, we don’t mind us. We probably haven’t thought about it much. However, this is a problem in and of itself. We need to have a relationship with ourselves.

What we don’t understand is that it affects so much of what we do and don’t do. How often have you found yourself asking the following questions:

• Why don’t I ask that person on a date?
• Why don’t I ever get a promotion?
• Why do I always end up in such rotten relationships?

Maybe you have had the following thoughts:

• Oh, that would be so cool, but I couldn’t do that.
• Wouldn’t it be nice if I could just…

These are all things that stem from not being comfortable with ourselves. There is something that we lack, and we don’t have enough or aren’t enough.

Guess what. It’s wrong.

Finding Our Purpose

In order to become our best self, we need to take the time to evaluate the strengths and gifts we have.

Often hard things get overlooked in this evaluation, do not forget that sometimes something like breaking off an engagement can be a solace to a roommate who faces the same struggle years later.

Understanding who we are is key. Understanding who we are and how we can help others can make us just a little bit more lovable to ourselves.

We understand that no one is perfect, but for some reason we think that we are an exception to this rule and we should be perfect.

Well, why aren’t we then?

What we are telling ourselves when we think of perfection is to be perfectly normal, when instead, we should just be perfectly us.

The beautiful part is that it is different for everyone. To be perfectly me is something completely different from perfectly you.

Human beings are all incredibly different, and we need the variety. But we get so stuck on this idea of being “normal” and being different terrifies us.

It really shouldn’t. Being different is a good thing I promise.

No one else can experience life quite like you, you have a unique combination of experiences and talents and there is something in the world that only you can do.

Motivation to Chase Our Goals

So why does this terrify us more than inspire us? It feels a lot like responsibility doesn’t it?

Sometimes it’s easier to just assume someone else can take care of it for us, so we don’t have to face the pressure. We don’t have to rise to the occasion. We don’t have to fight when hard things happen to us, we can just be wounded and let someone take care of us.

But what about the people you can touch and help in a way no one else can? Who will help them if you won’t?

Don’t get overwhelmed by this. I’m not saying you should stress over helping every single person.

They have a way of finding you when they need you. All you have to do is focus on being your best self.

“When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better, too.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Fully understanding our strengths and knowing how to use those towards a purpose is the greatest motivation.

You do things because you want to. I can think of no greater motivation.

I recently quit working full time in order to pursue writing as a career. Somehow I still manage to go to bed later than I plan because I just want to finish one more thing. Despite the late hours I’ve been keeping, I wake up before my alarm, excited to start again.

I want to do my work, and am working worse hours with considerably less pay. I’ve never been happier.

Every day I get to use who I am and my talents, both given and cultivated to do something I love.

When I lose that motivation, I know myself enough to find out what is wrong and can get back on track and continue progressing towards my goals.

I can provide my own encouragement and support and can provide the same for others.

Quality Relationships

We can’t find much purpose or motivation by ourselves. Humans are social creatures and we need other people.

It doesn’t matter to me if your social circle is small or large, but what does matter is the quality.

The best relationships- whether they are friends, family, or romantic- are the ones that stick around and last for years.

We need people to stick around and who know us in order to provide support and keep us in line when we do stupid things.

These people are also human and of course have traits that irritate us. However, we prefer them in our lives despite these.

We also have to take ourselves for the good and the bad. We are human, we are flawed. That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve love.

Unlike most relationships, if things get rocky, you can’t just cut yourself out of your life. You are stuck with yourself, so you might as well learn to like you.

I once had a conversation with my friend Jane. Her mother is Caucasian and her father is Tongan. She grew up in Utah, and shared with me how she felt so much closer to her mom’s side of the family. Not only due to proximity, but culture and personality.

She even told me she could never marry a Polynesian, despite being one herself. She separated herself from this culture and it’s rich history and heritage.

I mentioned that this is part of who she is and asked why she was dividing herself in half and could only accept part of herself.

For the record, she is now married to a Polynesian and living in Hawaii loving herself fully as she should be loved, and accepting the love of another who can love her the same way.

Not loving and accepting all of ourselves shuts out others with whom we could have our deepest and most meaningful relationships.

Not only that, but how can someone love us without knowing us completely. How can someone else love us with that kind of depth if we can’t even love ourselves completely?

Conclusion

Love yourself. For your happiness. For your relationships. For fulfillment. There is no better way to get what you want out of life.

Loving yourself gives you permission to go after the things you love, rather than feeling like you aren’t worthy. You are.

So go on a date with yourself. Spend time asking yourself questions and thinking about why you do the things you do. I can guarantee you will learn something new about yourself and that life will improve.

It might be a small improvement at first, and sure, it will be hard. But you are worth the effort and it does get easier.

You are worth the time.

BONUS:

I have created a gift for you. I have a free guide on how to love yourself and turn negatives into positives. Click Here to get your special bonus!