Need Some Direction in Your Life? One Question for You…
This morning during my study time, I found myself reading a story centered around war. Normally these aren’t my favorite, but I did find something particularly interesting that stuck out.
All of these warriors were not just physically strong but trained for all aspects of battle. As in they were trained mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Which is an interesting thought, and seems counterintuitive. If you are going to be doing the things required for war, wouldn’t it be easier to simply be numb to any kind of spiritual… anything?
It was the strength of their conviction that really spoke to me. They fought for something more. Something bigger. It was quite beautiful to see how much they really believed in their purpose.
I’ll be honest, this is something I struggle with. Purpose. Not just purpose, but staying so centered on this purpose that life has a sense of direction. Sure, we have all felt lost at some point or another, but this is something that happens frequently for me.
In fact, the more I develop a sense of passion for a specific purpose, the more I have a tendency to question it.
Is this really something that is worth putting in so much time and effort?
What is the point?
I feel so often at war with myself. I don’t fight in a traditional war with armor or camouflage and physically train every day for this.
My battle is with myself. With my mind.
And it affects every single thing I do.
I’ve been having conversations with friends and thinking a lot about the fear of men that I had for a long time due to sexual abuse. At one point, I spent a day thinking about this dangerous cycle I was in and wanted to break this pattern I had created.
While the choices of others affected this, I was the one constant in each of these relationships. I can’t control their choices, but I control mine. I was tired of being a victim.
On a battlefield, I would have been dead.
When I would face these situations, I let my fear take over, and I would freeze. And these experiences would cause flashbacks that I had to deal with for years after the event.
During one particular flashback, I remember getting so angry. I was so mad about what had happened. What kept happening. How I felt.
I was sick of it.
That anger not only pulled me out of a flashback, but it stirred something inside of me. In that moment, I started fighting back.
That anger gave me such a sense of power that I had never before felt. I was determined to stop this cycle that had been happening in my life. I would never again be taken advantage of in this way.
But I had to stop and think how far am I willing to go in this fight. The next time this situation arose, what would I do instead of freeze? I was willing to say no. I was willing to struggle. I was even willing to put up a real fight.
If push came to shove, would I be willing to die for this?
Would I be willing to die rather than be taken advantage of again?
Yes.
Yes, I think I would rather die than allow myself to be a pawn for someone else’s pleasure.
This is now how I make decisions. This is how I find my purpose. I run things under the filter of: Am I willing to die for this?
This is how I determine what is really important and what isn’t. There are so many people out there where every decision literally is life or death.
I am blessed to know mine isn’t, but doesn’t that also give me a responsibility to do more than simply seek entertainment?
Don’t get me wrong, rest and recovery are important, too. I still make time to have fun, but more often than not, those activities are with other people, because those relationships are something that is worth dying for. I love the people in my life, especially the few I allow into my inner circle. Yes, willing to die for them. They get my time.
Knowing which things carry that much importance in my life and centering my time around them has brought so much more purpose into my life.
I’m not just going through the motions. I’m not just spinning my wheels day in and day out. Busy but never productive. Constantly tired and worn out.
This is my choice.
My life.
I have a message that needs to be shared. I have a voice that needs to be heard. I have my own inner battles that I am now willing to fight.
I choose how I spend my time. I choose the people I let into my life.
It’s so empowering to know that everything in my life is my choice.
So often we let ourselves be swayed by the false belief that I have no choice. There is ALWAYS a choice. You are simply choosing the consequences. You choose to go to a job that you don’t like rather than brushing up the resume and finding a new one. You choose what fills your time and make time for what is important.
You choose to either play victim or to act.
What do you choose?
What are you willing to die for?
Now what?
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Choices you are willing to die for are going to take mental strength. Sharpen those skills with my Strong series: Find them HERE.
