The Benefit of Bad Days

You know, for all my optimistic writing and all the good and happy things in the world and around me, some days just suck. I am a happy person. I see so many good and wonderful things in marvelous people I meet. I know the world is full of sad and terrible things, but those are to be expected.

That doesn’t make it any easier to go through though. It’s hard to see the big picture when you are tired and grumpy. I can barely write for the massive headache I have and the ticcing and frustrating memories I have of today. Seeing that I have a published book and to see it doing well is my only sanity right now! That and knowing I get to sleep soon. I need that.

Usually I can turn on a Disney movie and make it go away. There are some blessings to having a short attention span. Instead, I fueled it. Voluntarily.

I must be insane.

I feel like I am deliberately quartering my own brain. It gets pulled in so many directions. I have so much to do. I push and I give and I do. Then it catches up to me.

So why do I do it? Why fuel the fire? I have found that the world is composed of opposites. Then there is a spectrum in between. Black and white, with a lot of grey. Up and down, with different heights. Near and far, with distance measurements. In each of these, it’s hard to understand one extreme without the other.

There are also different planes, which get into morals and ethics and defining right and wrong, but that’s a whole different post. So for now, let us stick with opposites.

For example, I spent a portion of my life dealing with depression. Once I was lucky enough to move past the suicidal phase (I was really lucky), I experienced more joy and happiness and the feeling that my life was perfect. Oh sure, sad things still happened. But nothing could touch how happy I was and my ability to deal with it.

Then I went through a phase where I wouldn’t allow myself to feel “negative” emotions. I couldn’t be sad or angry. I had to always be optimistic. Things could always be worse, right? It’s fine. I’m fine.

Except sometimes, I’m just not.

And sometimes, that’s ok.

The more I tried to make myself always happy, the less I really was. It’s like my ability to feel went away completely. I became a shell of a person. That emptiness is a lot worse than the temporary sadness/anger that I would have felt.

Opposites are a part of life. They are important, too. How do you understand what hot is if you don’t understand cold? If cold didn’t exist (although in winter I really wish it didn’t), there would only be one state- hot. We wouldn’t really know any different. We couldn’t be happy or sad about that state. We wouldn’t have a preference, it just is.

When we don’t know the difference, we don’t question where we are. And questions are important.

It’s these opposites and variances that allow us to understand more. Experience more. BE more. You can’t pick up half the stick without picking up the other half. Everything has it’s opposite, and they all run together.

Maybe I shouldn’t feed my bad days the way I do. But the bad days certainly help me appreciate the good with more depth.

Bad days don’t mean it’s a bad life. And mine is quite frankly awesome.