The Hard Things…

Sometimes, change just sucks. It’s hard. For all my talk of self-esteem and being proud of who you are, that doesn’t mean there isn’t going to be growth involved. And change is the only constant in life.

Confession: I am about to get really personal here and share parts of my life I don’t normally share. I try not to share this many details of my personal life on such a public place. But I strongly feel this needs to be said for my own learning, as well as it being the best way to illustrate my point.

I am pretty comfortable and confident with myself. I have been through a lot and feel like I can survive just about anything. The other day though, I felt like I had gotten knocked right off my feet, figuratively speaking.

I had an epiphany the other day. I don’t like who I am when I am in a relationship. I have been in a few romantic relationships, and I don’t like who I become. I’m much happier with myself, who I am and what I do, when I am single and climbing my mountains solo.

Problem with this is, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone. I want to have a family. I want to have children. It is the getting there part that sucks. I hate dating. So much.

However, this is something I should really get in line if I want to have a family one day. This is going to be a big and hard thing. I’m not excited about it.

Just because I have found something I want to improve does mean that there is anything inherently wrong with me. I’m not broken in anyway.

I have a skill. I’m incredibly independent. I want to add a new skill. While still being independent, I want to be able to function in a healthy relationship. both important. Both good.

It’s called progression. I want to move from one good place to another.

Yes, sometimes life can knock us down, we do get broken-hearted, and feel broken in more ways than one. But that is what healing is for. Just like a broken bone can heal, we can also heal from any kind of injury if we take the right steps to correct it.

There is a difference between healing and progression. Both are good and both are important, but we do them differently.

Both are important. Both are necessary. Both are hard.

Good news! You’ve done it before, you can do it again!